2004/11/04（四）

我一點也不想離開台中，雖然這裡已經開始有秋天的氣息。
一根接一根地點菸、抽菸、深呼吸，
即使現在已經坐在無人識得我的孤僻階梯上，眼淚仍舊被倔降地阻止發生。

"Take care." I promised to everyone.
But still I'm looking for the way to take care of myself.

雖然現在有人陪著會好過點，但我不想讓拘禁眼淚的顫抖嚇壞身邊人。
我需要被擁抱、被安慰，但是仍舊硬生生地拒絕了願意被沾濕眼淚的肩膀。
不想哭泣，不要令人厭煩的眼淚在任何時刻逃脫控制。

腹式呼吸法，將一口口白煙用力吸進丹田，
尼古丁與焦油侵蝕之間，也許能夠更加有力抵禦悲傷。

Sometimes anything can be everything.
But I just can't allow myself to show helpless clearly.
All I have to do is to deal with the emotion by myself.
That's the only way to survive,
to stand still against the mire of sadness independently.

熙來攘往的車燈閃亮著前行的方向，
尋找該踏出左腳的下一步，並且選擇繼續地寂寞。
擁有同伴的旅途太過奢侈，從不屬於被染黑了翅膀的蝙蝠。
夜行動物不依靠眼睛所見的表面假像伸展羽翼，
我退化的模糊視覺看不到天堂之門。

Fall into the hell in fall, finally I do.

很需要被好好安慰疲憊空虛的靈魂，
又深深害怕從此跌入安全的守護不想離開。

一次次慣性逃離美麗的風景，
我想伸手擁抱世界卻怕犯下污衊其他靈魂的罪孽。

思睡疲倦的雙眼同時隱隱發熱，
摻了漿糊的腦漿無力轉動思緒。

為什麼我為什麼又想哭泣？
這個答案太過多餘沒有存在的必要性。

All I've known is to keep walking on the journey of my life.
But, what or where is the end belonging to mine?
May I stay in your arms?
No, definitely can I put the secure attachment on anyone.

Breathing, walking,
in order to make people believe that I will survive,
I have to keep on.
Myself is included to be cheated.

Never ever make anybody afford my burden
as I can take charge by myself.

I'm walking on the wire with no regard to my willings.
Will life find way?
I don't feel like going alone but I have to.

If there is one day that I finish my seeking,
there will be paradise for me to reach out hands towards happiness.

前夜未眠的雙眼支撐不了信步爬行的文字。
該向火車站前行，該回家當乖女兒了。

＃19:30＃

-- 聰明的人不該書寫，憂傷的人不該閱讀